Let’s be honest for a moment. For the longest time, all I wanted was to be a boy mom. In fact, my husband was a little very worried that I would be devastated if we got a girl and wouldn’t love her. Well, I definitely was a little disappointed when we found out we were having a girl, but to be honest I wasn’t surprised. I knew we were having a girl. I could just feel it. But, I wasn’t sure if I was thinking we were having a girl because I was so against having a girl or if it really was just that maternal instinct. Three ultrasounds later, I’m fairly certain it’s okay that we have a more feminine nursery than a masculine one.
Why I Wanted to Be a Boy Mom
So here’s the thing, I definitely wanted to be a boy mom. Something about little boys sounds like so much fun: trains, planes, legos, super heroes, sports. Something about girls sounds absolutely terrifying: barbies, pink, playing dress up, mood swings, emotions, drama, cattiness in high school. When I really think about it, I get on some tangent imagining the next 18 years and all that comes with having a girl. I mean, I was there once. The last thing I want is me. My poor parents went through so much, I don’t know if I want to go through it myself. Plus, I think it might be a little harder to raise a girl in today’s world with all the different image portrayals of women.
Birth Order
Not only did I prefer a boy, but I was especially insistent in having a boy first. In my experience, boys that have older sisters tend to be a little… spoiled? I hate to say less of a man, because, hey, my husband has an older sister. But my ex-boyfriend also had an older sister, and I know a few other guys with older sisters. There are just certain, shall we say, quirks that come with boys who have older sisters — especially those who don’t have any brothers. I mean not only does their mom spoil their baby boys, but then their sister follows in right behind and does more themselves. I didn’t want my boy to be so spoiled that he doesn’t know how to do laundry and cook a basic meal when he moves out of the house. I want him to be the protector, that big brother to my daughters that fills in when maybe a dad can’t (because children aren’t going to share everything with their parents), the one who would want to defend his sister if someone hurt her. I had all these visions of how I wanted my family to be, mostly based on having a boy first. And I was so convinced that God knew my heart so He knew just how much I wanted a boy and just how stubborn that I am that He would give me a boy first.
Oh, well.
Enough venting and complaining, right?
Our Baby Girl
Well, here’s the thing now: I can’t imagine not having my daughter right now. I genuinely think that I would be very disappointed if by some very major mistake if all three ultrasound techs were incorrect and a boy pops out of me. My heart is expecting a girl. My entire being is waiting for my little girl. My husband? Well, he always wanted a girl (not necessarily first, but he definitely wanted one). So he was excited from day one regardless of the gender, but he even recently said he’s glad we’re having a girl first. I dream and think all about our little daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still petrified about raising a daughter and all the drama and emotions that come with it, but I am increasingly excited about raising a daughter, too. You see, I may not have ever been into barbies so the thought of playing dolls with my daughter sounds a little scary, but it occurred to me one day that just because she is a girl doesn’t mean we have to do just girly things. We can still take her camping, see if she’s interested in sports, and take her to air shows. Maybe she’ll bring along her Barbie or maybe she won’t.
Moving Forward
Things are a little less scary now. And my daughter is going to be so well dressed it’s going to be wonderful. I definitely have a lot of adorable outfits for her. I mean, she is my daughter after all, so I have quite a few dresses for her.
My husband is going to spoil her and she’s totally going to have him wrapped around her finger. But I think one day her and I will be best friends just like my mom and I, just like my sister-in-law is with my mother-in-law, and many of my girlfriends are with their moms. I had a heck of a hard time growing up myself, so maybe there might be some amount of wisdom I could impart on her. All I know now, is it’s in God’s hands and she’s going to be loved beyond belief by her parents, her grandparents, her uncles and aunt, and her adoptive second family (you know our friends that are practically family).
Older Sisters
And you know what? There just happens to be a few advantages to boys having older sisters: my husband is definitely a little more sensitive to some things. He may be analytical, dry, and a left-brained man (and I definitely live with a boy who never quite learned how to do laundry, cook, or clean up after himself too well), but his dreams and hopes for our family, the conversations that we share in private, how often he says he loves me and wants to hug and hold me, how he tries hard to at least understand what I’m going through, and how he shows his love is definitely reflective of having grown up with a strong and loving mother and older sister — and now with a strong and loving mother-in-law, wife, and daughter my husband probably never has to ever learn those things anyways, lucky him.
Now, we just need our sweet girl to arrive. We are beyond excited and we have so many hopes, dreams, and plans all starting with praying she’s just happy and healthy. That’s perfect enough for us because our hearts all already officially both weakened and strengthen by having her in our lives.
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